I feel lost, and don't know what to do.

I came here to share, to type out something but I just can't get out the words. I can't get past the first line...

So instead I will share points.

1. My son has been dealing with some pretty serious fears the last couple of weeks and it is taking its toll on all of us. He became seriously scared a few weeks back when we were at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. We went on the amazing tour and he loved it. But that night he came screaming through the halls of the condo we were staying in, he was more terrified then I had ever seen before.

2. Now we are home, and he is terrified to be alone. He won't sleep in his room unless we are there with him, and most times he ends up in our room. We tried everything; music, special stuffed animal, light on, etc. Nothing works...

3. It is so bad that one night when we tried to get him to stay in his room he got so upset that it took an hour to calm him down.

4. It breaks my heart that I can't help him, that he doesn't feel safe in his own home. I tell him that we would never let anything happen to him, and to trust me, but he doesn't, and that brings tears to my eyes.

5. I have talked to friends, I have searched the internet, I have looked into every book I own (and I have many parenting books), I talked to his teacher to see if anything is different at school - it isn't. I will keep searching, asking and thinking until I find something to help.

To my dear sweet boy, I am your mom and my job is to take care of you. I am trying, I might make mistakes along the way, but you and your sister are my everything. I promise you that I will do something to make things better.

Now I will go finish watching the episodes of Parenthood that I PVRed and fight back even more tears.

How we almost got kicked off the plane

We book a late night flight to Florida, hoping the kids will sleep or at least watch Treehouse the entire way. Little did we know that things were going to happen before our flight that might make this perfect plan not so perfect. Lets rewind to a week ago Friday when my normally happy (ok not happy, but 3 year old stubborn and independent can do everything for herself cutie) little girl started getting not so happy. She was crying and upset and saying her ears hurt. I knew something was up, she is never sick, has never had an ear ache, had no fever so if it wasn't for the nonstop crying I would not have known. I take her to the urgent care clinic where we wait for hours, while she screams her head off... not fun. Doctor confirms she has an ear infection, and says that she should be okay to fly by Monday night.

Now lets get to Monday where mother nature finally decides that we need some snow and gives us a nice snow storm, just as we are trying to leave for warmer places. The drive to the airport has me on edge. My father in law was driving, and not that he is a bad driver, just that I don't like anyone but my husband driving my babies around in bad weather. We get to the airport with time to spare. We had planned on getting dinner before but the roads around the airport were so bad we knew we didn't have time so we figured we would just get something there. Through customs and security in record time, really I have never been through that fast or seen so few people there. We hit the "new" second security check and my son gets all upset when he looks over and watches them do the weird wipe on my hands and all of our belongings. So upset that nothing will calm him down. I can understand, it was a little much!

We eat and head to the gate. Our plane is there so I think this is a positive thing. Bathroom breaks for all and I give my daughter he antibiotic and some Tylenol just in case there is any pressure on her ears while flying. We sit and wait for a while, our departure time comes and goes and we still sit. They tell us the flight attendants have to get off and go through security before we can get on. So an hour late we finally board. I get into my seat and get Miss E all situated, Mr K and Daddy are in the row behind us. I motion to the flight attendant to ask if she can mention to the pilot that it would be great if he could ease in on landing to help reduce any pressure on Miss E's ears. Well that was a BIG FAT MISTAKE!

She comes back and tells me that the pilot is not comfortable with Miss E flying and is putting in a call to Med. I tell her the doctor said it was fine. She says it will just be 10 minutes, well 15 minutes later they come and wanted to confirm our bag tags so they could pull them off the plane, just in case. By this point my husband is pissed off, at them and me. We sat there for 45 minutes just ready to be kicked off the plane. How would we explain to the kids that we are not going to Florida, no seeing the ocean or Disney, no NASA or swimming pools?

Thankfully they came back and said it was okay and that we would be leaving. So now we head over to de-icing so they can pour toxic chemicals all over the plane. By this point it is over 2 hours after we should have departed. The planes TV's are not working so there is no Treehouse for the kids. They are still awake, at 10:30pm. I am exhausted, but I have a 3 year old sitting beside me so I have to be on my game. No falling asleep for this mommy!

A few hours into the flight she finally falls asleep when I realize that the Tylenol that I gave at 7pm has well worn off and she starts to fuss. Crap I think... now what do I do. I can't get her to take her souse (a pacifier), or lollipop, or more drugs. The flight attendant hears her and brings me a warm towel to put on her ears, and says to have her drink water. I finally get in her souse and she falls back to sleep in my arms.

We land and all is well. It is after 1am and we have to wake up both kids and make the drive to the coast. After getting our bags, the rental car and making the drive we finally got here at 4am. What a day!

Oh and do you think the kids slept in the next morning? Of course not! All you parents know that we could only be so lucky.

So I learned my lesson. I am going to give Advil this time, for its 8 hour lasting power. I am not going to say anything to the flight crew and if she cries landing in Toronto I will just be "that" parent on the plane, you know the one with the kid who everyone wishes was off the plane. Or maybe it is better to tell them, they will say we can't fly and we are stuck in Florida for another week... how bad could that be!

Talk to me in a few days, our flight departs here at 7am. Crazy I know!

Is she trying to tell me something?

My 3 year old daughter decided this morning while I was making chicken soup to do some drawing, and she wanted to draw me. I looked over and was amazed at her picture of me! I was proud of her, she just turned 3 on the weekend and until this point you have not been able to really make out what she is drawing. But this morning she got it right, she gave me legs, and I had a face. I was so proud and smiling until she started drawing Daddy!

I am the one in the middle, Daddy is the one on the right and she is the one on the left.

So when Daddy got home from dropping of Kal I told her to show him, I was still proud of her drawing, even if I was 10 times the size of him. He asked if that looked like mommy and she held the picture up beside me and said yep. I asked why mommy was so round, and she said "because you are fat"!!!

My husband was sweet and added that Mommy is probably going to the gym this morning! I have to laugh at it, because I am the furthest thing from fat. My husband is bigger than me, sure he is all muscle, but he trains at the gym for 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and he didn't have 2 kids.

Maybe I should ask why Mommy is not smiling...

Crazy Urban Dictionary Name Definitions

So people on Facebook have been doing this silly name definition thing on urbandictionary.com so I decided to do it too. I normally don't do these things, but I was intriged to see what came back for me. Mine was surprising, and would be great if it was true!

Lindsay

1. a girl who is hotter than the flames of hell
2. the marvelous and mysterious temptress from the land of eternal joy
3. a girl who is smarter than albert einstein but as gorgeous as helen of troy (you know the one whose beauty started the epic war)
4. this girl is in NO way affiliated with Lindsay Lohan. Lohan simply stole this girl's name.

See that smoking hot amazing girl over there? Yep, she's a Lindsay.

I decided to pull up my kids names too. My daughter is Ella and I laughed when I read hers:

Ella

n. The epitome of all that is wonderful.
adj. a style that involves combining strange items, e.g., wearing dogtags, a tiara, knee-high purple boots, and large sunglasses all at the same time. {this is totally her, have you seen this?! http://twitpic.com/11efnk My little girl is all about dressing herself and she is very eclectic in her outfit selections, something I love about her}

v. To dance around madly and uncontollably, often while singing loudly and off-key, associated with eating too much sugar and/or chocolate.

n. That girl is a total ella.
adj. Wow, that skirt is so ella!
v. The girl was ellaing in the middle of the common room and scaring quite a few people

My son's was so off that there is no point in even posting it here! It talked about him being a slacker at school, he is only 5 and not a slacker by any means. Oh well it can't be correct all of the time.

I love this time of year

There is something about Christmas that gets me. I am not sure if it is the decorating, or the music, or the stories, or the movies, or the baking - okay I think it is all of it! I just love everything about this season (there is still a little magic for me) and normally I spend my holidays running around to make everyone else happy and not enjoying anything. The joy of having divorced parents, and then adding in-laws (thankfully my husbands parents are still together because I could never 4 celebrations). Sure some might think I am nuts, but for me I have lived my life going here and there for days on end that I don't think I ever got the chance to sit down and enjoy it, watch a great holiday themed movie or just hang with friends.

Well this year is different because most of our family has decided to up and leave us and the kids and take off to warmer places. Jealous? Yes I am! I am jealous that I am here in the cold and they are somewhere warm. I am also sad that they don't want to see their small grand kids open their gifts on Christmas morning. Pissed that we have had weeks of holiday celebrations where my kids have opened presents from them. Really, every weekend this month has been gift opening. My kids don't have the same excitement over Christmas morning now because they have all of these new toys already. And some that were coming from Santa were bought from them so my husband and I spent the last week frantically trying to find other toys. Sucks when most stores were out of stock on the items we wanted and they would not be restocking until after the holidays. Will never happen again, my kids will open those presents on Christmas morning or after, just like I did when I was a kid.

My mom and stepdad are coming here for traditional roast beef dinner tomorrow, Christmas Eve. They will enjoy our first year of our new traditions that I have not been able to do with my kids because we have always had to make sure everyone else was happy that we never thought about ourselves. We will eat a nice dinner, open one gift (Christmas pj's) and watch a Christmas movie (this year Santa Buddies for the kids). This year we learn that Christmas is for our kids, I want them to experience the magical excitement that I have always yearned for. And next year if the rest of my family decides they want to go back to the way it was before, they will learn that I am going to be selfish and make this for my kids. Sure they can celebrate with us, they are more than welcome to come on over of Christmas morning and witness the kids open their gifts. They can stay and enjoy a delicious turkey dinner with us. This year we are going to do it for ourselves, even though it is only the 4 of us, and my kids don't eat anything we are going to all cook the entire meal and enjoy it just the 4 of us! I am looking forward to spending the day cooking with my kids.

Sure I didn't get my outside decorations up. I didn't bake as much as I could have and I didn't get my holiday card done. OMG I know, how could I, designer of amazing cards not do one for myself. Long story short, I had photos taken of the family in October to use for my card, and the CD of those photos just arrived this week, so I ran out of time. At this point, sure I could still do a card but I am burnt out. I would rather have no card, then have something I don't love. There is always next year!

The past couple of months have been so busy with my business, Grace Announcements, I have received some amazing press and orders have been flowing like crazy. A product of mine that my great friend Candace at Name Your Tune sells was featured in a couple of major publications and it made for a CRAZY couple of weeks. The Grace Announcements family (thank goodness I got some more help just before the features came out) was working our butts off for a few weeks filling those orders and taking care of the normal holiday card rush. This year it was an amazing rush! You would all be blown away if I told you just how many orders were pumped out of here the first 2 weeks in December.

Even with all of the craziness and letdown I am ready to go. Food is bought, gifts are bought, some baking is done and I am feeling relaxed and ready to enjoy. If only I could get off the couch and wrap some presents... hmm there is always tomorrow night!

Happy Holidays everyone. I hope your holidays are filled with family and friends and you create some wonderful memories.

Crazy Mad Woman

I am a crazy mad woman right now! (some might say that I am like that all the time)

It is my busy season where I not only have all of my normal orders, but I also have holiday cards. It was a slow go, just like last year, not many people are in the mood for ordering holiday cards before Halloween so it always takes into November for things to get busy. All this is great for business but not so great for the rest.

I miss out on watching many of my favourite shows that I normally watch while working. I don't get out to see friends as much, not that I have many, but it is hard to be stuck in the house all the time. I have not been to the gym in a few weeks, and I am not sure when I might be able to get over, maybe the middle of December when I shut down for a few weeks.

My house is a mad house right now, there are piles of clothes that need to be folded, and even larger piles that need to be washed. Thankfully I have not had to send my son to school with dirty underwear! We have not been eating like I would normally want to, fast and easy is the way to go right now. I can make up for that in the new year when I work to lose the extra 10 pounds that I have gained over the holidays. I have a real sweet tooth.

My kids might watch a little more TV too, bad mommy, I know! But I do what I have to do. It is like fate that my daughter has all of the sudden taken a real liking to watching cartoons. She loves her DVD's, especially Mickey Mouse. Note to self, rent some more videos this weekend for next week as I have memorized every word in the one Mickey DVD we own.

I love creating holiday cards. I love seeing my customers come back each year, seeing how everyone has grown and any new additions. I love Christmas and everything that comes with it. If only I could find the time to decorate my house and bake some delicious cookies. And Christmas shopping, you would think after 4 years of this I would have learned that if I didn't start in the summer then I would be out there with all the other crazy people shopping the last week before Christmas!

To all of my family and friends, I still love ya, really I do! I just might not see you for a few weeks, but honestly I will come up for air and come back to the real world, and Twitter!! I really miss my Twitter time, a few minutes here or there is just not the same. I have so many great friends I have met on there and I am so busy I don't get the chance to chat with them right now.

Okay back to work for me, this post took 2.5 minutes away from some serious design time. And my son is home from school and I want to get a big hug and see how his day was.

It is a different kind of flu season this year

It is a different kind of flu season this year but I am not worried. It has been hard not to let the media get to me with fears of what might happen to us if we don't get our flu shot. We don't get the flu shot ever, so with all this H1N1 flu fear out there I did look for a moment about whether we should decide to get one this year. But because of the questions I still have over this new vaccine I knew I was more comfortable getting H1N1 then I was getting the vaccine.

Sure many of you are thinking I am nuts. How could I not care about my kids or put them at risk? I know many who have had H1N1, they got sick before the vaccine was available. Yes they felt horrible, they were as sick as can be for a few days, but after a day or two in bed, they are all better. Then there is the list of friends who got the shot and their family still managed to get sick, they got sick before the antibodies in the vaccine had a chance to take affect. They all are also fine now.

So what did I do to deal with the H1N1 hype in my home? I opened up my medicine cupboard in my kitchen and took inventory. The one loaded full of all of our stuff, I have the standards like Advil and Tylenol, but I also have a lot of other stuff that I swear by and have sworn by for years now. It is loaded with some homeopathic remedies that I have become a real believer in. Some I came across myself (and have shared here on my blog before) others were recommended to me by my holistic nutritionist or homeopath. I will get share the list of my favourites in a few :)

Don't get me wrong I still have and love my family doctor, but after having strep throat 5 times in 4 months (the 3rd was on our family vacation in Florida) I knew I needed to look at something else. After a visit to my homeopath and holistic nutritionist we realized there were other reasons for me being sick and antibiotics not working. I headed into my holistic natural store to get a few items to help my body. This is when I knew that I could help myself and my kids fight most illness.

I really could go on and on but I am not going to bore you. I will just get into my list of must haves in my home! Oh and no I am not sponsored by Boiron, they have no affiliation with me, I just love their stuff and it works really really well for us.

1. For flu season I think every household must have Oscillococcinum by Boiron. They also have a children's version.

2. Coughs are easily cleared up, and I mean easily, by using Stodal by Boiron. We have both the adult and kids version in our home at all time. My son and I are prone to getting nagging coughs that can keep us up at night and last for weeks if not months. Not anymore since we started using Stodal at the start of a cough, within a day or two our cough is gone.

3. Probiotics, we take these daily during cold and flu season.

4. Multi-vitamins, taken daily.

5. St.Francis Deep Immune. This is taken if we feel like we are coming down with something, if we are tired or have just been doing too much. I take this every day during the fall and spring.

6. Coryzalia (again by Boiron) for both children and adults. The moment one of us has a stuffed or runny nose I start on this. I usually only have to give 1-2 doses before all symptoms are gone, it works that well.

I was given a bunch of other items that I won at my gym, but I have yet to need them. So I can't say much.

If we do get sick we will do the normal, get lots of rest and stay home to risk spreading our germs to anyone else.

I also certainly don't recommend this for everyone, it just seems to work for us and I know there are many out there who should probably get the H1N1 vaccine. We are lucky, we are all healthy and have no other medical conditions. So for those of you that want to get the vaccine, or look at what they should do. Here are some great guidelines and links from the Government of Ontario.

What to Do When Your Child is Sick with Influenza
1. Treat your child’s fever
- Take off heavy clothing and blankets.
- Dress the child in lightweight clothing and keep the room temperature at 20°C (68°F).
- Give acetaminophen or ibuprofen for fever and muscle pain in the dose recommended on the package (unless your doctor says otherwise).
Note : Do NOT give acetylsalicylic acid (ASA or Aspirin®), or any cold medicine that has ASA, to children or teenagers under the age of 18.
2. Treat your child’s other flu symptoms
- Encourage your child to get plenty of rest.
- Use salt-water nose drops to treat a stuffy nose.
- Ask your pharmacist about any over-the-counter medicines for cough.
3. Protect others from flu
- Keep your child at home until his/her fever has been absent for at least 24 hours and he or she is feeling well enough to resume normal activities. It’s important for your child to stay home if there’s fever so that the virus doesn’t spread to other children.
- Your child can return to school 24 hours after the fever has resolved and he/she is feeling well enough to get back to normal activities.

Here is a current list of flu clinics in Ontario: http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/h1n1/public/clinics.aspx

If you think you or your kids might have H1N1 here is a link to the Ontario Ministry of Health Influenza Self Assessment Tool to help you assess if you can manage your symptoms at home. http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/h1n1/public/tools/assessment/default.aspx

Other useful information can be found at http://www.health.gov.on.ca/en/ccom/flu/


Note: I wrote this post while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central and received a Mom Central gift pack to thank me for taking the time to participate.