It has been way to long, but I have had major writers block... well I have had lots to write about but I could just not get the words out so that they made sense. Over the past 6 months there has been lots that I would love to share and here I am tonight I could write forever, but I promise I will spare you all. Instead I am going to just spit it out in little bits that might not make sense but I need to restart and this is the only way for me to do it.
2010 sucked ass (don't know why you can read here). I know it could have been much worse. We are all healthy and really that is all that matters.
We made it through. DH is working at a great company, has a great job, and loves what he does. He started enjoying making music with some friends and what started as a fun Friday night jam session has turned into The Bird of Rage. The kids have settled and are doing really well, Kal is just about to finish grade 1. He is so smart and loves his school and teacher. The progress he has made this year has been huge, nice to see after a huge life change. Miss E loves being in school full time, I admit I miss her at times and wonder if I should have kept her home with me longer. But I think even though she is still so young this is best for her. She loves school and has started reading and writing. She is learning french which is amazing for a 1st year Casa student. I think French Immersion might be what she needs in grade 1.
I had high hopes for 2011 and although it didn't suck like 2010 did it hasn't been what I had hoped.
After April 20th, 2010 happened I had no choice but to step up to the plate and take care of this family. I did my best to shelter the kids from everything. To hide that their dad was so depressed and fragile I was scared to leave him alone. Work hard to keep food on the table and a roof over our head. And not let the people around me know that my world had just fallen apart and I was not sure if I could keep it from crumbling. Very hard to do when I spend so much time out in the open.
I got tired of pretending like my life was okay, but I felt I had no choice.
The new year came, the kids went back to school, DH started his new job and I was here all alone. I had no one to take care of, nothing to distract me from the past 10 months. I sat and I started to think.... it all hit me and it hit me hard. I hid within myself and the lie that everything was okay.
Now today I sit here, clear again, with an extra 20lbs of fat feeling sorry for myself. I know that I need to do something but I just can't. I weigh more now than after having both kids. I wish I was the type of person who stress made me lose weight, instead I gain it. I am not an emotional eater that just shoves my face full of anything around, I barely eat now. But that doesn't help.
I am lucky to have great people in my life. People who stand beside me, who hold me up and who keep me going.
I refuse to give up just yet. 2011 will be a great year, might just take a little longer to get there.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The "kins of ifone's" from a 6 year old
I unfortunately was not able to scan it all, but his title was the same as mine "kins of ifone" for Kinds of iPhones. I love how on the iPhone 4 the game he drew is called corn pops, where you launch corn pops. I thought it was his favourite, angry birds!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Avoidance... of the big "C" word
Tomorrow I will set foot back in the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook Hospital for genetic screening and counselling. It has been over 3 years since I was last there. I had a newborn baby and a 2.5 year old at home. I had to wait at that time as I was breastfeeding, best to come back when I was done. That was the recommendation from them. Well after 2 years of breastfeeding and moving I lost touch and the information. They didn't have my new contact information and I put it into the back of my mind. I had more important things to think about.
Crazy to think that way.
You see I have a family history. My paternal grandmother, Grace, whom I never met as she died really young (with a baby of her own, my aunt) from breast and ovarian cancer. My aunt who was diagnosed with colon cancer in her early 40's with 3 young kids. I remember thinking, how? I went onto Google and searched to find that breast, ovarian and colon cancer are all linked. She fought and won that battle, but a few years later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is fighting that battle and winning. Because it is on my paternal side it doesn't mean that there is not a huge risk for me. My father can carry the gene and pass it to me, without me really knowing. Many men carry the gene, but don't always develop breast cancer themselves.
Seeing my aunt recently and talking to her about life has reminded me of how precious it is. My aunt and I always had a really close relationship. She was young, much younger then my dad, she was the small child that was left behind with no parents. We had something special, something that I have always cherished.
I started to think about my history and my risks. I started to question as to whether I would like to know, or whether I would rather just enjoy my life without the possibility of knowing I carry the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene and could very well end up fighting the battle against breast cancer myself. I started to have friends who were dealing with cancer themselves or their very close family and I stopped....
I stopped and I thought long and hard.
I realized that it was important to know. That I was being silly being scared of the "what ifs" and I was better to be proactive and if I got some news that I didn't want to hear I would not be scared, I would just start to do what I need to and enjoy my life.
So tomorrow afternoon I start the process again.
I am not going to lie, I am scared. I remember sitting there in this centre with my tiny baby at my side, looking around and seeing the people there for tests, for treatments. The families with them. I could see the fear in their eyes, and that gave me fear, fear of the unknown.
I don't want to be there. I don't want to be thinking of this. But I think I am stupid to not, so I will.
Crazy to think that way.
You see I have a family history. My paternal grandmother, Grace, whom I never met as she died really young (with a baby of her own, my aunt) from breast and ovarian cancer. My aunt who was diagnosed with colon cancer in her early 40's with 3 young kids. I remember thinking, how? I went onto Google and searched to find that breast, ovarian and colon cancer are all linked. She fought and won that battle, but a few years later she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is fighting that battle and winning. Because it is on my paternal side it doesn't mean that there is not a huge risk for me. My father can carry the gene and pass it to me, without me really knowing. Many men carry the gene, but don't always develop breast cancer themselves.
Seeing my aunt recently and talking to her about life has reminded me of how precious it is. My aunt and I always had a really close relationship. She was young, much younger then my dad, she was the small child that was left behind with no parents. We had something special, something that I have always cherished.
I started to think about my history and my risks. I started to question as to whether I would like to know, or whether I would rather just enjoy my life without the possibility of knowing I carry the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene and could very well end up fighting the battle against breast cancer myself. I started to have friends who were dealing with cancer themselves or their very close family and I stopped....
I stopped and I thought long and hard.
I realized that it was important to know. That I was being silly being scared of the "what ifs" and I was better to be proactive and if I got some news that I didn't want to hear I would not be scared, I would just start to do what I need to and enjoy my life.
So tomorrow afternoon I start the process again.
I am not going to lie, I am scared. I remember sitting there in this centre with my tiny baby at my side, looking around and seeing the people there for tests, for treatments. The families with them. I could see the fear in their eyes, and that gave me fear, fear of the unknown.
I don't want to be there. I don't want to be thinking of this. But I think I am stupid to not, so I will.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Be kind, and pass it on
There seems to be a buzz right now on Twitter about being kind. I think it is great, because this is my motto for life!
I was chatting with my hubby about it this morning as we were driving to an appointment. On our way back home, after stopping for lunch at the best local deli for a smoked meat sandwich and latke (mmmmm.... heaven in my mouth) we stopped at Starbucks. I waited in the car so I could tweet (yes I know I am a huge addict) and he went in. He was obviously listening to me because he decided to buy the tea of the woman standing behind him in line. The best part is everyone thought it was so amazing that it continued on for 9 other people, and maybe more, he left so we don't know.
The lady behind him said how amazing it was. Then she asked, "What happens if someone doesn't do it?" and my husband answered with how it doesn't matter, that she did her part and she should feel good.
I am so proud of him! It shows me that he has been listening to me.
We had the discussion a while ago with him how easy it is to be nice, and the effect that has on others. I told him how one day I was in the Tim Hortons drive thru and I said a simple please and thank you to the woman taking my order. When I pulled up to the window the woman was so nice, she was almost in tears telling me how much it meant to her. How hard it is because of how horrible most people are. She told me I was the first person to say thank you in over a month.
I think it is sad how people act. How hard is it to hold a door open for the person behind you, or maybe even all of the people behind you. And do it with a smile.
Being nice isn't hard and it goes a long long way. Try it for a day, and see what happens, you will be amazed at how nice you feel!
I was chatting with my hubby about it this morning as we were driving to an appointment. On our way back home, after stopping for lunch at the best local deli for a smoked meat sandwich and latke (mmmmm.... heaven in my mouth) we stopped at Starbucks. I waited in the car so I could tweet (yes I know I am a huge addict) and he went in. He was obviously listening to me because he decided to buy the tea of the woman standing behind him in line. The best part is everyone thought it was so amazing that it continued on for 9 other people, and maybe more, he left so we don't know.
The lady behind him said how amazing it was. Then she asked, "What happens if someone doesn't do it?" and my husband answered with how it doesn't matter, that she did her part and she should feel good.
I am so proud of him! It shows me that he has been listening to me.
We had the discussion a while ago with him how easy it is to be nice, and the effect that has on others. I told him how one day I was in the Tim Hortons drive thru and I said a simple please and thank you to the woman taking my order. When I pulled up to the window the woman was so nice, she was almost in tears telling me how much it meant to her. How hard it is because of how horrible most people are. She told me I was the first person to say thank you in over a month.
I think it is sad how people act. How hard is it to hold a door open for the person behind you, or maybe even all of the people behind you. And do it with a smile.
Being nice isn't hard and it goes a long long way. Try it for a day, and see what happens, you will be amazed at how nice you feel!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
HERO... or just doing the right thing?
So the other night @MississaugaKids called me a hero because I was put in a situation and without even thinking I acted on it. I personally don't think I did anything special.
You see we went out for a nice early family dinner at this great restaurant at 5pm on a Sunday and just after we left I was driving along and this van came inches from side swipping me. I passed him and made a right turn heading towards home. This guy turned too, he was weaving all over the road, went into the on coming lane a few times missing cars by seconds. I told my husband who was in the passenger seat because he enjoyed a few beers with dinner, to call 911. I knew that it wasn't a situation of this guy playing with his stereo which we thought when we were almost hit by him.
They wanted us to follow him and get his license plate number, which we did, he went everywhere and we followed. At one point he drove off a country road into a deep ditch and we thought for sure he was going to hit a tree, but he kept on going. So we kept on following him, we wanted to make sure that he didn't get away before the police got there.
The 911 operator said they had his address and figured he was heading for home and they were sending an officer there and when he got there we could leave.
Well he kept on driving and headed towards a parking lot (ironically the parking lot to the York Regional Police Clubhouse!!) where we followed him. I went in another entrance and parked back far from him. I told hubby to call 911 again and tell them where we were so they were not waiting at his house. We stayed in case he decide to leave again. We waited for an hour for the police to arrive, where they took him to the police station, towed his van and took hubby's statement.
They stated that he could barely speak but he didn't smell of alcohol. That he was most likely an alcoholic and could hide it well.
We drove for 20minutes with this man as we watched him almost kill many people. I could not imagine just leaving and going home, at one point in our drive around town with this guy we were 1 minute from home. It was a Sunday evening, the kids needed a bath and I had laundry to finish, but that didn't matter.
I have a friend who 18 years ago was hit by a drunk drive early on a Sunday morning, he was in the hospital for a long long time and almost didn't survive, thankfully he did, but he has never been the same since.
I have a friend @SharonDV who was one of these unlucky drivers who was on the road, driving along, minding her own business. Family in tow heading out for a Mothers Day celebration and was hit head on by a drunk driver. You can read more of her story here. I read it a few years ago and it has stuck with me. She is one of the first people I thought of when I saw this guy drive across the center line.
I did what I think anyone should. I didn't think about what I still had to do that night, I just thought about the people like Sharon (or my friend from high school) and how I could not do anything. Very similar to the situation with my son, I could not sit back and not think about how we were lucky, but what if someone else gets hurt.
You see we went out for a nice early family dinner at this great restaurant at 5pm on a Sunday and just after we left I was driving along and this van came inches from side swipping me. I passed him and made a right turn heading towards home. This guy turned too, he was weaving all over the road, went into the on coming lane a few times missing cars by seconds. I told my husband who was in the passenger seat because he enjoyed a few beers with dinner, to call 911. I knew that it wasn't a situation of this guy playing with his stereo which we thought when we were almost hit by him.
They wanted us to follow him and get his license plate number, which we did, he went everywhere and we followed. At one point he drove off a country road into a deep ditch and we thought for sure he was going to hit a tree, but he kept on going. So we kept on following him, we wanted to make sure that he didn't get away before the police got there.
The 911 operator said they had his address and figured he was heading for home and they were sending an officer there and when he got there we could leave.
Well he kept on driving and headed towards a parking lot (ironically the parking lot to the York Regional Police Clubhouse!!) where we followed him. I went in another entrance and parked back far from him. I told hubby to call 911 again and tell them where we were so they were not waiting at his house. We stayed in case he decide to leave again. We waited for an hour for the police to arrive, where they took him to the police station, towed his van and took hubby's statement.
They stated that he could barely speak but he didn't smell of alcohol. That he was most likely an alcoholic and could hide it well.
We drove for 20minutes with this man as we watched him almost kill many people. I could not imagine just leaving and going home, at one point in our drive around town with this guy we were 1 minute from home. It was a Sunday evening, the kids needed a bath and I had laundry to finish, but that didn't matter.
I have a friend who 18 years ago was hit by a drunk drive early on a Sunday morning, he was in the hospital for a long long time and almost didn't survive, thankfully he did, but he has never been the same since.
I have a friend @SharonDV who was one of these unlucky drivers who was on the road, driving along, minding her own business. Family in tow heading out for a Mothers Day celebration and was hit head on by a drunk driver. You can read more of her story here. I read it a few years ago and it has stuck with me. She is one of the first people I thought of when I saw this guy drive across the center line.
I did what I think anyone should. I didn't think about what I still had to do that night, I just thought about the people like Sharon (or my friend from high school) and how I could not do anything. Very similar to the situation with my son, I could not sit back and not think about how we were lucky, but what if someone else gets hurt.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The downside to Facebook
Everyone knows of Facebook, and if you don't I would like to know what rock you have been living under?!
The past year I have learned some real downsides to Facebook which make me want to shut down my account and walk away. Really I deal with enough crap in my life that I don't feel I need something like Facebook to make matters worse on me or my family.
So those who know have an idea of the positives, or at least people think they are. Reconnecting with old friends, you know the ones you have not seen in 17 years, the ones that after reconnecting you remember why you lost touch! Keeping in touch with out of town relatives or friends is a good thing about Facebook.
But there are the downsides....
The friends who's relationships/marriages have ended because of crap on Facebook. You know the private email from an old flame telling you they have never forgotten about you. The positive to marrying my high school sweetheart is I don't have many of those!
The people who read too much into your status updates...
The friends who you find out you are no longer friends (and good friend, like big brother type) because they removed you as a friend from Facebook. Totally happened to me, and the kicker, it is my neighbour...
The family who see something you post and freak out because they think the something catastrophic has happened not realizing that if it really had, you would have called them from the ambulance.
Then you have those ones, the people who just have nothing good to say.
Today I had someone post something nasty on my Grace Announcements page. I immediately read it over a few times before I got all freaked out, they claimed they ordered over a month ago and didn't receive anything. I scanned the name and it didn't look familiar. I looked through my order forms on my desk, nothing. I did a search in my email, nothing. I pulled up my online shopping cart software, nothing. I went the last place I could try, PayPal to look there. They did after all claim at how much they paid for shipping... and there was nothing there. This person was not listed in any of the 5 places that their order would show up. I would not let up there, technology has let me down many times in the past, that is part of running an online business. I sent the person an email on Facebook and they come back and tell me that they had not ordered anything from me... are you freakin kidding me???? I spent 40 minutes going over everything to see what could have happened to their order.
I was horrified that there was a customer out there like this, that had been waiting over a month for their order. They didn't call the office or send an email. Customer service is our top priority,we will go above and beyond in a situation to make it right. But how do you make a situation like this right?
This person turns around and blocks me (because I am going to go all Facebook crazy on them or something???) and removes all of their bad comments from my page.
Do you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed and think that today is the day I am going to have "fun"on facebook?
Yep so there you have it, today was one of those days when I would be so happy to close my Facebook account and walk away...
The past year I have learned some real downsides to Facebook which make me want to shut down my account and walk away. Really I deal with enough crap in my life that I don't feel I need something like Facebook to make matters worse on me or my family.
So those who know have an idea of the positives, or at least people think they are. Reconnecting with old friends, you know the ones you have not seen in 17 years, the ones that after reconnecting you remember why you lost touch! Keeping in touch with out of town relatives or friends is a good thing about Facebook.
But there are the downsides....
The friends who's relationships/marriages have ended because of crap on Facebook. You know the private email from an old flame telling you they have never forgotten about you. The positive to marrying my high school sweetheart is I don't have many of those!
The people who read too much into your status updates...
The friends who you find out you are no longer friends (and good friend, like big brother type) because they removed you as a friend from Facebook. Totally happened to me, and the kicker, it is my neighbour...
The family who see something you post and freak out because they think the something catastrophic has happened not realizing that if it really had, you would have called them from the ambulance.
Then you have those ones, the people who just have nothing good to say.
Today I had someone post something nasty on my Grace Announcements page. I immediately read it over a few times before I got all freaked out, they claimed they ordered over a month ago and didn't receive anything. I scanned the name and it didn't look familiar. I looked through my order forms on my desk, nothing. I did a search in my email, nothing. I pulled up my online shopping cart software, nothing. I went the last place I could try, PayPal to look there. They did after all claim at how much they paid for shipping... and there was nothing there. This person was not listed in any of the 5 places that their order would show up. I would not let up there, technology has let me down many times in the past, that is part of running an online business. I sent the person an email on Facebook and they come back and tell me that they had not ordered anything from me... are you freakin kidding me???? I spent 40 minutes going over everything to see what could have happened to their order.
I was horrified that there was a customer out there like this, that had been waiting over a month for their order. They didn't call the office or send an email. Customer service is our top priority,we will go above and beyond in a situation to make it right. But how do you make a situation like this right?
This person turns around and blocks me (because I am going to go all Facebook crazy on them or something???) and removes all of their bad comments from my page.
Do you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed and think that today is the day I am going to have "fun"on facebook?
Yep so there you have it, today was one of those days when I would be so happy to close my Facebook account and walk away...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Our Follow Up
So sadly I come to post with not much information...
But I wanted to come and update all those who have shown their support. I called Ninja Jump and was told to email the details so it could get forwarded to management. I did and have still not heard anything. I will be following up tomorrow.
There have been reports put in with Health Canada by myself and the family of the birthday boy.
Today Angela also known as partymomma on twitter gave me the contact information to a really helpful man who gave me some great information. He told me that most likely the Aurora Sports Dome was operating this bounce house without a licence or insurance. That they should have had someone from their establishment supervising, that as a public facility it should never be left up to the parents. He told me that Ninja Jump will do nothing and to contact TSSA.
So I contacted TSSA who took all the information and is looking up the Aurora Sports Dome.
I will be stopping by there tomorrow afternoon in hopes of talking to someone in charge.
I have also talked about the birthday boy family about taking this to the local papers, as it seems that the sports dome was in the wrong here.
I will not stop until I get some real answers... I will not allow this to happen to another child.
On a side note I noticed someone shared my story on "the Bump" thank you very much for helping spread the word on this danger!
I tried to log in so that I could comment but for whatever reason I get logged in but the moment I go to the post I can't post and it logs me back out. So I wanted to add to some of the feedback here.
It is not known who did this to my son, or I would have dealt with him and his family. My son didn't know who he was and all he could remember about him was that he was wearing a black shirt. Half of the kids were wearing black shirts because they were on a certain team for the soccer game at the beginning of the party. Many kids gave their thoughts but every one was different so what and who do you believe. Him or his family have not come forward and I don't believe they ever will. No my son was not playing with any kids after this incident. Once we were both calmed down (enough so I could drive) we left.
This very well could have happened without another child wrapping it for him. That is probably the exact reason that Ninja Jump has removed the strap and replaced it with handles. The problem is they have done nothing to modify or remove the models out there that have the strap. You can not put a 5-6 foot long lose strap hanging inside of something and not have this risk - look at blind cords.
I also didn't leave my children unattended for a moment, I followed them around as they played, that is why I was standing 2 feet away from the backside talking with one of his classmates parents when this happened. That is how I heard him screaming. If I was not right there this story might not have ended in a happy ending.
The reason I will not allow my kids into a bounce house again is because of the many hidden dangers. I would have never expected that there would be a 5-6 foot long strap/rope inside that could get tangled around any child. Unless I go inside to make sure the unit is safe my kids will not play in it.
My son has said himself at 6 years old that he will never play in one again.
But I wanted to come and update all those who have shown their support. I called Ninja Jump and was told to email the details so it could get forwarded to management. I did and have still not heard anything. I will be following up tomorrow.
There have been reports put in with Health Canada by myself and the family of the birthday boy.
Today Angela also known as partymomma on twitter gave me the contact information to a really helpful man who gave me some great information. He told me that most likely the Aurora Sports Dome was operating this bounce house without a licence or insurance. That they should have had someone from their establishment supervising, that as a public facility it should never be left up to the parents. He told me that Ninja Jump will do nothing and to contact TSSA.
So I contacted TSSA who took all the information and is looking up the Aurora Sports Dome.
I will be stopping by there tomorrow afternoon in hopes of talking to someone in charge.
I have also talked about the birthday boy family about taking this to the local papers, as it seems that the sports dome was in the wrong here.
I will not stop until I get some real answers... I will not allow this to happen to another child.
On a side note I noticed someone shared my story on "the Bump" thank you very much for helping spread the word on this danger!
I tried to log in so that I could comment but for whatever reason I get logged in but the moment I go to the post I can't post and it logs me back out. So I wanted to add to some of the feedback here.
It is not known who did this to my son, or I would have dealt with him and his family. My son didn't know who he was and all he could remember about him was that he was wearing a black shirt. Half of the kids were wearing black shirts because they were on a certain team for the soccer game at the beginning of the party. Many kids gave their thoughts but every one was different so what and who do you believe. Him or his family have not come forward and I don't believe they ever will. No my son was not playing with any kids after this incident. Once we were both calmed down (enough so I could drive) we left.
This very well could have happened without another child wrapping it for him. That is probably the exact reason that Ninja Jump has removed the strap and replaced it with handles. The problem is they have done nothing to modify or remove the models out there that have the strap. You can not put a 5-6 foot long lose strap hanging inside of something and not have this risk - look at blind cords.
I also didn't leave my children unattended for a moment, I followed them around as they played, that is why I was standing 2 feet away from the backside talking with one of his classmates parents when this happened. That is how I heard him screaming. If I was not right there this story might not have ended in a happy ending.
The reason I will not allow my kids into a bounce house again is because of the many hidden dangers. I would have never expected that there would be a 5-6 foot long strap/rope inside that could get tangled around any child. Unless I go inside to make sure the unit is safe my kids will not play in it.
My son has said himself at 6 years old that he will never play in one again.
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