It makes me sad to think about my poor little guy, who is still so small to me being picked on at school. He came home and told me a week ago that kids were being mean to him at recess. I didn't say or do much about it because he acted like he could care less. Well every morning this week he has cried when it came time for us to give him a hug and say goodbye. At first we thought it was just the reality of being back at school. Not being home all day to play like his little sister does. Or that he is at school all day now, no more only going for 3 hours and then coming home, he is there for 7 long hours.
Well I decided when I picked him up to say something to one of his teachers. She told me that she noticed a couple days in he got all timid and upset when it was announced it was recess time, and this has gone on since (besides today). My heart dropped, I knew that when he said kids were being mean to him it was real. That there are kids who are being mean to my baby boy, my sweet guy is being hurt and I am feeling lost on how to help him.
I know I need to tell him to be strong, but I can't tell him to fight back like my husband thinks. I don't really want my 5 year old getting kicked out of school! Ignoring doesn't work. I feel like I need a book on how to deal with this, so that I can refer back to it for tips. There must be a book for this, there is a book for anything, right? Okay I don't really need another book. I just need to help him, and if I am having trouble with this what am I going to do 5 or 10 years from now when he is 10 and 15!
3 comments:
Wow Lindsay...I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you have this problem with the bullying at school. You tend to think it is a problem for older boys and never imagine little guys can be so cruel. Maybe sit down with your son and ask him how he feels about it and what he thinks he might want to do to make it better. Maybe these other little boys need to get to know your son better. It easier to be mean to someone you don't know very well..it's not personal. As wierd as it might sound..maybe invite them to your home and once they see what a great little guy he is they might ease up. I have not experienced this first hand so my opinion is just that...another mom's opinion. I wish you luck and I am sending your little guy pryers of strength to help deal with this. I will be thinking of him. Keep us posted. We care!
I am so sorry you're going through this. I've been through this with two of my kids - one girl, one boy.
What I've learned through life experience and much research is that kids seem to pick on the kid who is a little different (and often that difference can be something as subtle as not exuding social confidence, not reacting to situations in the playground in quite the same way as other kids: e.g. becoming upset or angry when other kids just let things go or react assertively or with humor).
Find out as much as you can about the situations that seem to be triggering the bullying incidents (both from your child's perspective and from the teacher's perspective, as you have been doing). It might be helpful to observe a recess, without being seen by your child (because that will change the dynamic) in an effort to look for clues.
Find out what the teacher/school do to promote empathy and teach kids about conflict resolution and anti-bullying. It's so important that this type of learning happens right from the early years on up.
Talk to other parents about your concerns. That way, you can all be working together to create a kind atmosphere in the classroom for everyone's kids.
Hope this helps.
personally if I were you...
I would find out what time recess is and I would physically go down to the school yard and observe from a distance. See what your kid does and what is actually taking place during recess. If you know precisely what is going on it will help you give him advice. If you notice something out of line you can report it to the school and maybe they can do something.
I am sorry but your husband had probably the best advice. Tell him to be strong and not to be intimidated. He should stand up to them if they try to push him around. You want him to become a man who is capable of relying on himself for support. It starts here at an early age. It would depend on the situation but it sounds to me like this is a case of verbal abuse or teasing. Nothing serious tell him not to take it and to tell the abusers to get lost.
I know you feel bad for him. It is better he learns to face tough situations on his own when he is young and not be babied or sheltered through them. This will allow him to be self reliant and independant when he grows older. Mom wont always be there to help him out when he is in trouble. Help him face it on his own as best you can and try to help him believe in himself and act with confidence.
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