Boy he is all grown up!

My son just finished his last day of school for this year, but this year it is something different.  He is moving on to Grade 1.  For him the kindergarten doesn't make sense, he has been going to an amazing Montessori school for the past 3 years and learning the Casa program.  No JK or SK for him.  He had a 3 year Casa program that taught him all the same and more.  Sure we didn't have a big graduation with caps and gowns, but we have amazing memories and wonderful report cards.  We have teachers who loved him so much, he really did touch the hearts of his teachers, and he had a few head ones over the 3 years.  They are sad to see him go, we are sad to see him go, but we know next year will only be better.  And we do still have his little sister in the class for the next 3 years!


He has gone on field trips that I went on when I was in grade 6, they do nature walks, he studied Monet and even recreated a few of his paintings.  He has learned in these 3 years what I learned in the first 6 grades of elementary school.  There were things he did that I don't understand, still even after being shown and reading online.  Take the binomial or trinomial cubes, do it, click on the links and tell me if it makes sense.  Okay don't because if it makes sense to you all you are going to do is make me feel stupid!


He learned decimals, multiplication and division, linear counting.  They taught geography (my almost 6 year old knows more places on the map then I do), history, science, art, music.  He can write in cursive.  I could go on and on, but I won't subject you to my "see how amazing my son is" speech.  He is no smarter then his friends in our neighbourhood, he is just different.


Most of all the last 3 years have taught him respect for others and objects around him.  He respects his environment.  He is so helpful and considerate to his sister and fellow classmates.  All the kids are, they are so well behaved at school it isn't even funny.  I still can't figure out why I can't get him to be like that at home.


It taught me that he is growing up and independent and to just let him do things on his own.  He knows how to use real scissors and has since he was 3.  They have real scissors and real glass in the class and no one is freaked out by it.  If one child breaks or spills something by accident another will come over and clean it up.  They just get up and help, no questions asked, no comments made. 


I am so proud of the boy he is and I look forward to future years so that I am able to see more of how he develops himself.


I really didn't mean for this post to be about how fantastic Montessori was, but it has, because it is.  Seeing how it has shaped my son over the last three years, and my daughter over the last 3 months has blown me away.  I will forever and always be a believer in the system, because it just makes sense.  I was never an amazing student.  I never got straight A's.  Many times I didn't understand what was being taught to me, because I have never been one to do as people say because that is what they say.  I question a lot, and that is why when I first toured his school I was sold, because the way they taught made sense.  It made sense to me, a grown adult and it made sense to the kids who were there learning it.


Some of the cool characteristics and benefits of the Montessori method:

• Three year age span of children within the classroom - Older children teaching younger children, sense of community and builds self esteem.
• Self correcting materials within the environment - Children learn through their own errors to make the correct decision versus having the teacher point it out to them.
• Individual learning takes place within the environment - Montessori recognizes that each child learns at a different pace and allows that growth to take place.
• Children are quiet by choice and out of respect for others within the environment - The Montessori classroom allows children to return to the "inner peace" that is a natural part of their personalities.
• There is an emphasis on concrete learning rather than on abstract learning - Children need to experience concepts in concrete "hands-on" ways
• It is a child-centered environment - All the materials are easily within the child's reach and placed on shelves at their levels. The tables and chairs are small enough for the children to sit comfortably while the pictures and decorations are placed at the children's eye level.
• The children work for the joy of working and the sense of discovery - Children are natural leaders or "sponges" and delight in learning new tasks. Their interests lie in the work itself rather than in the end product.
• The environment provides a natural sense of discipline - The "ground rules" or expectations of the child are clearly stated and are enforced by the children and the teachers.
• The environment is "prepared" for the children - Everything in the room has a specific place on the shelf. Children are orderly by nature and having the room set this way allows them to grow in a very positive way.
• The teacher plays a very unobtrusive role in the classroom - The children are not motivated by the teacher, but by the need for self development.

So yes I am a proud mom, just like every

Now on to deal with the next 2 months of summer... wonder how long before I hear "I'm bored"!?

Funny Comic for Moms

My nephew gave this to me a few weeks ago and I just had to share this great Calvin and Hobbes comic.

Mommy Guilt

Today should be a perfect day, I should be productive and take advantage of the fact that both of my kids are on a field trip with school and are gone all day.  I should be working my butt off to get through my long to do list without any interruptions, but instead I sit here feeling guilty about how much I seem to be working right now.

I love working, I love designing, I love dealing with people, I love being busy.  So why am I having such a hard time with it all.  I feel guilty that I am not spending as much time as I think I should with my kids.

I think about what it would be like if I was just a stay at home mom like many of my friends.  Where my kids could be signed up in all these programs that I take them to, where we have play dates and I take them to the park because it is a beautiful day.  To be able to just have fun and not worry about the long list of things that I have to do, or worrying that I have to get a design off because I don't want to disappoint someone.

I am too much of a people pleaser, I strive to make sure that my customers are all incredibly happy.  Something that is lacking in today's society.

I work so hard to please those customers that I feel like I am letting down those really important to me.

How do I ever find the proper balance???  Is there really such a thing?

I feel guilty that my three year old daughter has started to realize that mommy works ALL THE TIME, and that she asks daddy things like "is mommy going to come downstairs today" or "can you please get mommy to pick me up from school".  Even the teachers at my kids school have made mention to my husband about how they don't see me at all anymore.  My son just knows where I am, he is about to turn 6 and he has been in this with me for the last 5 years.  Sadly I think he has just come to accept this as the way things are.

I should have been going to the gym, but I didn't have the time.

I have a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away, but I don't have the time.

I want to organize my linen closets so I can actually find something I need, but I don't have the time.

..... is it that I don't have the time, or is it that I don't plan my time wisely.

How do you find a balance to do it all?  How do you fellow mom entrepreneurs not feel such guilt over the neglect that you feel your kids get because you work so hard?

I know they are not neglected, my kids are very lucky to have all that they do.  But I still feel that way some days.  I know I am lucky to be able to be around them like I am.  I don't leave for the office at 6am and get home at 8pm.

When life deals you lemons, you make lemonade.

Over the past 6 weeks I have had many things that I have wanted to type here, but I held back.  I was uneasy about what I wanted to share, and I still am... our life has been flipped upside down.  Just when you think you have your life planned out and everything is going great, something major happens and you are all of the sudden trying to figure out what to do.

Well the middle of April we had a day that has changed our life forever.

As time has passed we are realizing how good this has been.  Hard to imagine some days, but it is.  We are finally free from people that have done nothing but cause us huge grief, something you don't expect from family that close to you.

In all of this there are a few things that have kept me going - my family, they are very supportive and we are very lucky to have them.  Our friends who don't judge, and are there to offer a hug.  My online world that will always make me laugh and forget the reality that has become my world.

My businesses Lindsay Brewda Design and Grace Announcements have been the biggest sources of keeping me going.  They won't allow me to stop and wallow in self pity.  My customers need me and I need them... and that is something I am very thankful for.  I have been so busy that I don't have time to clean my house let alone realize that my very own dream house might not be mine anymore one day soon.

The lemonade in it all is that I finally have something that I have wanted for a while.  I have my amazing talented husband helping me grow the business.  He has always been a behind the scene's guy, when I had Miss E 3 years ago I needed someone to pick up orders from the printer and ship them, and he has been that guy.  But I always wanted him to help more, he just never had the time.  Well now he has nothing but time, and in that he is bringing his amazing business mind and natural sales and marketing skill to Grace Announcements so we can finally take it to the next level.

Before kids we use to work together, we ran a couple businesses together, but after I had Kal I had to stop working and so we parted business ways.  Well 6 years later we are back in the office together.  We (mainly me!) need to figure out how to work together again.  I understand I have problems letting go, I have been doing this on my own for 5 years now so I guess I might be a bit controlling!  I tell him I promise that I will get better, that I appreciate him being here and that I really do need him.... if I could just act that way we would be great.

People some would call "family" dealt us lemons, and we will make lemonade and rise above it!

Some might say I am a groupie, I say I am a fan!

I know some people probably look at me and think I am nuts, maybe I am!  I look at it as an escape, a time to just be me and to enjoy travelling to new cities with my husband.  We started travelling last year to watch our favourite band, Pearl Jam play. 

We leave the kids at home with their grandparents and not feel guilty about it.  I gave them a solid 4 years to my kids, where I devoted everything I had to them.  Probably my biggest mistake because then I hit rock bottom and realized that this mom was in desperate need of taking care of herself.  How could I be a good mom and take care of them when I was not well myself? 

I knew they were both old enough to leave.  Yes I know there are people who leave their kids as babies, but remember above, I was not that!

We made the first real trip last spring to see Eddie Vedder perform solo.  We took a road trip in my husband’s red sports car and it was exciting, just the two of us.  No kids fighting in the backseat.  I even slept for part of the trip, it was heaven.   My poor husband, I can’t seem to go for a long car ride without falling asleep!

Once in Albany we checked into our hotel and headed to the pre-party.  Yes I said pre-party, these Pearl Jam fans are hard core!  We enjoyed a little dinner and then walked over to the venue where we picked up our tickets and we were 4^th row centre.  We were so excited, we got great seats!!  Pearl Jam has a club for their fans called the 10 club.  They give preferred ticket purchasing to them and have lottery draws to the best seats in the house. 

There were some fans hanging out at the side door waiting to meet Eddie, we wanted to find out how to get a drawing that our son drew for him to him so we headed over too.  He thought that asking us to do that would have been an easy task, not knowing we were not good friends with his idol Eddie! 

We started chatting with some great people and found out that he was sitting on the tour bus parked right there, we knew he had to get off at some point so we hung out.  Met a great guy with a little baby; he was local and just popped over to see if he could meet Eddie.  He didn’t even have tickets to see him play.

And then all of the sudden the bus door opened and off he came.  We could not believe that Eddie Vedder was standing right there in front of us.  I felt like I was in high school!  He looked so different up close and in person.  He was handsome, and so nice.  He took the time to come say hello and shake every person’s hand.  He had such soft hands!  I snapped photos and my husband gave his body guard Kal’s drawing after telling Eddie how much he loved him.

We were amazed that all just happened and headed in to watch him play from our amazing seats.  You could feel his spit we were so close.  Don’t worry I am not that much of a crazy fan, later I did wash my hands and spit covered clothes!

It was a great trip, and we had amazing memories.  We could have not asked for a better way to start this adventure of travelling together, to see a band that has brought so much to our life and relationship.  I was a fan when Pearl Jam first started, even before, and I turned my boyfriend (now husband) on to them.

I learned through these new found adventures that we all need different ways to recharge ourselves, and that having a busy plate as a mother, wife and very hard working entrepreneur these trips are essential in healing my spirit through one of the greatest mediums I have ever known – music.

Later that summer we saw Pearl Jam in Toronto, and then hopped on a plane to see them back to back in Chicago.  Three concerts in 5 days, it was crazy but an amazing trip.  We were tourists in Chicago, we took hundreds of photos, and we took tours, ate in many restaurants and shopped the Magnificent Mile.  We also met a great group of friends that we will be friends with forever now.  We look forward to seeing them again in a month when begin another adventure as we head to NYC for 4 days to see their next tour.  But that is after we take another road trip in our new “magic bus” to see them play in Buffalo.

Through all this, we have realized the importance of “keep on rocking in the free world” my 3 year old daughters favourite song (Neil Young/Eddie Vedder) 

Where will the Jam take us next?  New York City for the long weekend, to see 2 concerts.  Yes I know we are crazy!

I can make a minivan sexy, right?!

For the past 6 months I have been looking at cars, I knew the lease on my SUV was coming up soon and I needed to decide what I wanted next. For years I had wanted a minivan, but then I started to wonder if I really did.

I mean I only have 2 kids so I don't need it for the seats.

There was only one minivan that I wanted, one that I would drive and call my own, I wanted to buy it 4 years ago when I bought the SUV but I could not stomach the cost of it. I had a toddler, was starting my business and really making no money, and I was pregnant so making more money wasn't an option. So I was practical and bought the SUV for much less a month.

Now last week I get an invite from our local Honda dealership to a special sales event. I have bought 3 of my last 4 new vehicles from them and they knew my lease was coming up. This time I didn't throw the invite into my recycle bin, I made an appointment when they called me. My husband and I headed over, interested in looking at my dream minivan or the new version of my SUV. My husband immediately started talking about the Odyssey, crunching numbers, and pushing them for a better deal. Good thing I have him to do that for me!

What was going to be a short trip to check out numbers, ended up being 5 hours and I was the proud owner of a Honda Odyssey minivan and I was actually excited about it! How could I not be, I had wanted one for years, and look at it

is it not the sexiest minivan?!

Ok I know, it is a minivan and they can't be sexy, but I can make it sexy and cool, have you seen my shoes?! I can love driving it and everything it offers.

I dream of trips to IKEA and all the stuff I can buy and bring home. I dream of taking Hamma with us to the zoo and not having to take a second car. I dream of long road trips as a family and making great memories. We already have plans to drive it to Buffalo for a Pearl Jam concert in May, and I have already made my rules for the 4 other adults who will be going with us.

Moms (and Dads) who drive theirs and love it tell me how happy I will be. Now if I can just wait for it to be sitting in my driveway. It feels like forever that I have to wait for them to either find the colour I want, or for the other option to be delivered. Do they not know that I don't do well with waiting.

I feel lost, and don't know what to do.

I came here to share, to type out something but I just can't get out the words. I can't get past the first line...

So instead I will share points.

1. My son has been dealing with some pretty serious fears the last couple of weeks and it is taking its toll on all of us. He became seriously scared a few weeks back when we were at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. We went on the amazing tour and he loved it. But that night he came screaming through the halls of the condo we were staying in, he was more terrified then I had ever seen before.

2. Now we are home, and he is terrified to be alone. He won't sleep in his room unless we are there with him, and most times he ends up in our room. We tried everything; music, special stuffed animal, light on, etc. Nothing works...

3. It is so bad that one night when we tried to get him to stay in his room he got so upset that it took an hour to calm him down.

4. It breaks my heart that I can't help him, that he doesn't feel safe in his own home. I tell him that we would never let anything happen to him, and to trust me, but he doesn't, and that brings tears to my eyes.

5. I have talked to friends, I have searched the internet, I have looked into every book I own (and I have many parenting books), I talked to his teacher to see if anything is different at school - it isn't. I will keep searching, asking and thinking until I find something to help.

To my dear sweet boy, I am your mom and my job is to take care of you. I am trying, I might make mistakes along the way, but you and your sister are my everything. I promise you that I will do something to make things better.

Now I will go finish watching the episodes of Parenthood that I PVRed and fight back even more tears.