So just over a year ago my little girl was born. When I brought her home I thought that I had this perfect family (everyone always said I had the million dollar family) and everything was going to be great! It was amazing, she was a great baby and my son loved being a big brother, all of my worries were nothing to worry about now. I had such an easy time, nothing like when I had my son. I think because of how great everything was I had a hard time admitting that something was just not right. It took a long time before I finally mentioned anything to anyone. I was at my doctors office for one of Ella's well baby visits when he asked how I was. I guess my answer must have worried him because he sent in the nurse who started talking about PPD (postpartum depression) and all of the avenues I can take.
Why am I sharing this? I ask myself that question as I type... but I think the main reason is a huge portion of my customers are new parents and I want to let them know what I went through and that there is nothing to be ashamed of if they might be feeling the same way I did.
I started receiving the many support options that my city offered and it was the best thing I could have done. When I first started I was not happy... I was actually down right angry all the time, I was having a really hard time with these two kids, I didn't want to leave my house, I was scared to go out with them, that I was scared of them. But I think the thing that ate away at me the most was that I had become the mother I didn't want to be... or at least I thought I had. I could only remember the bad things from each day, I remembered my son acting up, my daughter not sleeping, how all I did was yell, how I was doing it all on my own, how no one helped, how I never got any sleep, how horrible I felt about myself and never wanted to look in the mirror.
I learned that I was not alone, that so many other moms felt the same way as me. That everything I was experiencing was normal, that PPD was something, something that you should not just ignore or be embarrased about. That I was not a bad mother and I didn't act the way I felt like I did. That I was not ruining my wonderful 3 year old little boy. I learned so much about myself that I could not have learned on my own. I know that I have to take care of myself before I can take care of anyone else.
Things are not perfect now, but they sure are better than they were 6 months ago. They will continue to get better too, I am enjoying my kids and being a mom. I have things to look forward to, I ask for help when I need it and I take time for myself. Sure there are still things that could be better, but when is life ever perfect? Okay I think I have two days when I can say it was, the birth of my son and the birth of my daughter!
I hope that if when reading this some of it rings true that me sharing this might help you to take the next step, that you will talk to someone. A little more information:
ONE IN FIVE MOTHERS WILL HAVE A POSTPARTUM MOOD DISORDER
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
Having a baby can be a wonderful experience, but life with a new baby is not always what you expect. PPD or Baby Blues are experienced by about 80% of new mothers. You may feel sad, have crying spells, feel irritable, exhausted, overwhelmed, or have changes in your sleep/eating patterns.
With help from family and friends, a little self care, and support from your health care provider, most women will get through this challenging time of adjustment.
Sometimes the blues do not go away. PPD includes a variety of mental health difficulties that can affect women during pregnancy, after a miscarriage or stillbirth and, or in the first year of having a new baby.
If you have a PPD, you may experience the same feelings as those of the blues, as well as:
• feelings of hopelessness and frustration
• anxiety
• restlessness
• anger
• guilt or shame
• thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• hear or see things that are not there
• you may think that you are not a ‘good’ mother
If you have had any of these symptoms for more than two weeks, don’t wait, there is help for you and your family.
Very rarely a mother will experience a Postpartum Psychosis. You may:
• have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• hear or see things that are not there
• believe that people or things are going to harm you or your baby
• feel confused or out of touch with reality
If you have any of these thoughts or feelings, don’t wait, get help right away.
