Avoidance... of the big "C" word

Tomorrow I will set foot back in the Odette Cancer Centre at Sunnybrook Hospital for genetic screening and counselling.  It has been over 3 years since I was last there.  I had a newborn baby and a 2.5 year old at home.  I had to wait at that time as I was breastfeeding, best to come back when I was done. That was the recommendation from them.  Well after 2 years of breastfeeding and moving I lost touch and the information. They didn't have my new contact information and I put it into the back of my mind. I had more important things to think about.

Crazy to think that way.

You see I have a family history.  My paternal grandmother, Grace, whom I never met as she died really young (with a baby of her own, my aunt) from breast and ovarian cancer.  My aunt who was diagnosed with colon cancer in her early 40's with 3 young kids.  I remember thinking, how?  I went onto Google and searched to find that breast, ovarian and colon cancer are all linked.  She fought and won that battle, but a few years later she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is fighting that battle and winning. Because it is on my paternal side it doesn't mean that there is not a huge risk for me.  My father can carry the gene and pass it to me, without me really knowing.  Many men carry the gene, but don't always develop breast cancer themselves.

Seeing my aunt recently and talking to her about life has reminded me of how precious it is.  My aunt and I always had a really close relationship.  She was young, much younger then my dad, she was the small child that was left behind with no parents.  We had something special, something that I have always cherished.

I started to think about my history and my risks.  I started to question as to whether I would like to know, or whether I would rather just enjoy my life without the possibility of knowing I carry the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene and could very well end up fighting the battle against breast cancer myself.  I started to have friends who were dealing with cancer themselves or their very close family and I stopped....

I stopped and I thought long and hard.

I realized that it was important to know.  That I was being silly being scared of the "what ifs" and I was better to be proactive and if I got some news that I didn't want to hear I would not be scared, I would just start to do what I need to and enjoy my life.

So tomorrow afternoon I start the process again.

I am not going to lie, I am scared.  I remember sitting there in this centre with my tiny baby at my side, looking around and seeing the people there for tests, for treatments.  The families with them.  I could see the fear in their eyes, and that gave me fear, fear of the unknown.

I don't want to be there.  I don't want to be thinking of this.  But I think I am stupid to not, so I will.

Be kind, and pass it on

There seems to be a buzz right now on Twitter about being kind.  I think it is great, because this is my motto for life!

I was chatting with my hubby about it this morning as we were driving to an appointment.  On our way back home, after stopping for lunch at the best local deli for a smoked meat sandwich and latke (mmmmm.... heaven in my mouth) we stopped at Starbucks.  I waited in the car so I could tweet (yes I know I am a huge addict) and he went in.  He was obviously listening to me because he decided to buy the tea of the woman standing behind him in line.  The best part is everyone thought it was so amazing that it continued on for 9 other people, and maybe more, he left so we don't know.

The lady behind him said how amazing it was.  Then she asked, "What happens if someone doesn't do it?" and my husband answered with how it doesn't matter, that she did her part and she should feel good.

I am so proud of him!  It shows me that he has been listening to me.

We had the discussion a while ago with him how easy it is to be nice, and the effect that has on others.  I told him how one day I was in the Tim Hortons drive thru and I said a simple please and thank you to the woman taking my order.  When I pulled up to the window the woman was so nice, she was almost in tears telling me how much it meant to her.  How hard it is because of how horrible most people are.  She told me I was the first person to say thank you in over a month.

I think it is sad how people act.  How hard is it to hold a door open for the person behind you, or maybe even all of the people behind you.  And do it with a smile.

Being nice isn't hard and it goes a long long way.  Try it for a day, and see what happens, you will be amazed at how nice you feel!