Not saying goodbye

Thursday was my kids last day of school, and one of our favourite teachers Mrs. V is not coming back.  See a year and a half ago Mrs. G the regular teacher went on mat leave, she was amazing.  She had us from the first month of school and my son, he loved her like family.  We were sad she was leaving for some time as Kal had a real connection with her.

Sorry if I have confused you, my kids go to a Montessori school and they are in the Casa program so they have the same teachers for 3 years, from 3 years old to 6 years old.  So that is why the teachers are with them for so many years!

At the beginning of that year when Mrs. G left they brought in Mrs. V part-time so all the kids would be comfortable with her.  She was great, but we were still worried.  But it turned out Mrs. V was amazing, she had this connection with our son that was unlike nothing we have seen before.  He loved her and I think she loved him too.  She would talk about him and get all excited just like we did, it was like she was a proud parent and he was her child.

He would draw for her and she would take it home and put it up on her fridge.  Her kids were grown (although you would never know from looking at her, she always looked amazing and young!) up and her students were like her little kids.  She was sick for a week earlier this year, and he missed her while she was gone.  So much so that when she returned he went into the class and broke into tears when he gave her a big hug.

So as the end of the year approached we knew Mrs. V would probably be moving on to another class or another school.  But so was Kal, he was turning 6 and moving on to grade 1 so even if she stayed he would not have her as a teacher.

Well Friday was the big Family Fun day that the school puts on for everyone to celebrate the end of another great year and the beginning of the summer.  We arrived and saw Mrs. V as soon as we got there and gave her a big hug.  I immediately asked her if she was going to be there for a while because I had a card/gift for her.

The day went on and close to the end I kept looking for her, I asked some of the other teachers who said that yes she was still there, but I could not find her anywhere.  I looked and looked and finally before leaving I asked the principal if she had left and she said she did...

I felt my heart drop...

I didn't get to say goodbye.  I didn't get to thank her for being such an amazing teacher.  I didn't get to tell her how much of an impact she made on my son.

I am sure she knew those things, but I wanted to tell her and give her a great big hug.

I gave my card to the principal and I told her to please give Mrs. V my email as I really wanted to tell her so much more then I wrote in the card, I wanted to tell her so much in person.

I started to tear up thinking that I might never see this woman who loved my son like he was her own, who taught him so much, who understood him and who he is.

Writing this makes me sad... maybe this sounds crazy to some of you, but if you had met her you would understand.

So in case this is my only goodbye...

Mrs. V:  Thank you for being such an amazing teacher and leaving this lasting memory in our hearts.  You touched Kalman in a way that many can't.  We will be forever grateful for everything that you did for him and miss you.  Keep teaching and touching others hearts :) xoxo

Boy he is all grown up!

My son just finished his last day of school for this year, but this year it is something different.  He is moving on to Grade 1.  For him the kindergarten doesn't make sense, he has been going to an amazing Montessori school for the past 3 years and learning the Casa program.  No JK or SK for him.  He had a 3 year Casa program that taught him all the same and more.  Sure we didn't have a big graduation with caps and gowns, but we have amazing memories and wonderful report cards.  We have teachers who loved him so much, he really did touch the hearts of his teachers, and he had a few head ones over the 3 years.  They are sad to see him go, we are sad to see him go, but we know next year will only be better.  And we do still have his little sister in the class for the next 3 years!


He has gone on field trips that I went on when I was in grade 6, they do nature walks, he studied Monet and even recreated a few of his paintings.  He has learned in these 3 years what I learned in the first 6 grades of elementary school.  There were things he did that I don't understand, still even after being shown and reading online.  Take the binomial or trinomial cubes, do it, click on the links and tell me if it makes sense.  Okay don't because if it makes sense to you all you are going to do is make me feel stupid!


He learned decimals, multiplication and division, linear counting.  They taught geography (my almost 6 year old knows more places on the map then I do), history, science, art, music.  He can write in cursive.  I could go on and on, but I won't subject you to my "see how amazing my son is" speech.  He is no smarter then his friends in our neighbourhood, he is just different.


Most of all the last 3 years have taught him respect for others and objects around him.  He respects his environment.  He is so helpful and considerate to his sister and fellow classmates.  All the kids are, they are so well behaved at school it isn't even funny.  I still can't figure out why I can't get him to be like that at home.


It taught me that he is growing up and independent and to just let him do things on his own.  He knows how to use real scissors and has since he was 3.  They have real scissors and real glass in the class and no one is freaked out by it.  If one child breaks or spills something by accident another will come over and clean it up.  They just get up and help, no questions asked, no comments made. 


I am so proud of the boy he is and I look forward to future years so that I am able to see more of how he develops himself.


I really didn't mean for this post to be about how fantastic Montessori was, but it has, because it is.  Seeing how it has shaped my son over the last three years, and my daughter over the last 3 months has blown me away.  I will forever and always be a believer in the system, because it just makes sense.  I was never an amazing student.  I never got straight A's.  Many times I didn't understand what was being taught to me, because I have never been one to do as people say because that is what they say.  I question a lot, and that is why when I first toured his school I was sold, because the way they taught made sense.  It made sense to me, a grown adult and it made sense to the kids who were there learning it.


Some of the cool characteristics and benefits of the Montessori method:

• Three year age span of children within the classroom - Older children teaching younger children, sense of community and builds self esteem.
• Self correcting materials within the environment - Children learn through their own errors to make the correct decision versus having the teacher point it out to them.
• Individual learning takes place within the environment - Montessori recognizes that each child learns at a different pace and allows that growth to take place.
• Children are quiet by choice and out of respect for others within the environment - The Montessori classroom allows children to return to the "inner peace" that is a natural part of their personalities.
• There is an emphasis on concrete learning rather than on abstract learning - Children need to experience concepts in concrete "hands-on" ways
• It is a child-centered environment - All the materials are easily within the child's reach and placed on shelves at their levels. The tables and chairs are small enough for the children to sit comfortably while the pictures and decorations are placed at the children's eye level.
• The children work for the joy of working and the sense of discovery - Children are natural leaders or "sponges" and delight in learning new tasks. Their interests lie in the work itself rather than in the end product.
• The environment provides a natural sense of discipline - The "ground rules" or expectations of the child are clearly stated and are enforced by the children and the teachers.
• The environment is "prepared" for the children - Everything in the room has a specific place on the shelf. Children are orderly by nature and having the room set this way allows them to grow in a very positive way.
• The teacher plays a very unobtrusive role in the classroom - The children are not motivated by the teacher, but by the need for self development.

So yes I am a proud mom, just like every

Now on to deal with the next 2 months of summer... wonder how long before I hear "I'm bored"!?

Funny Comic for Moms

My nephew gave this to me a few weeks ago and I just had to share this great Calvin and Hobbes comic.

Mommy Guilt

Today should be a perfect day, I should be productive and take advantage of the fact that both of my kids are on a field trip with school and are gone all day.  I should be working my butt off to get through my long to do list without any interruptions, but instead I sit here feeling guilty about how much I seem to be working right now.

I love working, I love designing, I love dealing with people, I love being busy.  So why am I having such a hard time with it all.  I feel guilty that I am not spending as much time as I think I should with my kids.

I think about what it would be like if I was just a stay at home mom like many of my friends.  Where my kids could be signed up in all these programs that I take them to, where we have play dates and I take them to the park because it is a beautiful day.  To be able to just have fun and not worry about the long list of things that I have to do, or worrying that I have to get a design off because I don't want to disappoint someone.

I am too much of a people pleaser, I strive to make sure that my customers are all incredibly happy.  Something that is lacking in today's society.

I work so hard to please those customers that I feel like I am letting down those really important to me.

How do I ever find the proper balance???  Is there really such a thing?

I feel guilty that my three year old daughter has started to realize that mommy works ALL THE TIME, and that she asks daddy things like "is mommy going to come downstairs today" or "can you please get mommy to pick me up from school".  Even the teachers at my kids school have made mention to my husband about how they don't see me at all anymore.  My son just knows where I am, he is about to turn 6 and he has been in this with me for the last 5 years.  Sadly I think he has just come to accept this as the way things are.

I should have been going to the gym, but I didn't have the time.

I have a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away, but I don't have the time.

I want to organize my linen closets so I can actually find something I need, but I don't have the time.

..... is it that I don't have the time, or is it that I don't plan my time wisely.

How do you find a balance to do it all?  How do you fellow mom entrepreneurs not feel such guilt over the neglect that you feel your kids get because you work so hard?

I know they are not neglected, my kids are very lucky to have all that they do.  But I still feel that way some days.  I know I am lucky to be able to be around them like I am.  I don't leave for the office at 6am and get home at 8pm.

When life deals you lemons, you make lemonade.

Over the past 6 weeks I have had many things that I have wanted to type here, but I held back.  I was uneasy about what I wanted to share, and I still am... our life has been flipped upside down.  Just when you think you have your life planned out and everything is going great, something major happens and you are all of the sudden trying to figure out what to do.

Well the middle of April we had a day that has changed our life forever.

As time has passed we are realizing how good this has been.  Hard to imagine some days, but it is.  We are finally free from people that have done nothing but cause us huge grief, something you don't expect from family that close to you.

In all of this there are a few things that have kept me going - my family, they are very supportive and we are very lucky to have them.  Our friends who don't judge, and are there to offer a hug.  My online world that will always make me laugh and forget the reality that has become my world.

My businesses Lindsay Brewda Design and Grace Announcements have been the biggest sources of keeping me going.  They won't allow me to stop and wallow in self pity.  My customers need me and I need them... and that is something I am very thankful for.  I have been so busy that I don't have time to clean my house let alone realize that my very own dream house might not be mine anymore one day soon.

The lemonade in it all is that I finally have something that I have wanted for a while.  I have my amazing talented husband helping me grow the business.  He has always been a behind the scene's guy, when I had Miss E 3 years ago I needed someone to pick up orders from the printer and ship them, and he has been that guy.  But I always wanted him to help more, he just never had the time.  Well now he has nothing but time, and in that he is bringing his amazing business mind and natural sales and marketing skill to Grace Announcements so we can finally take it to the next level.

Before kids we use to work together, we ran a couple businesses together, but after I had Kal I had to stop working and so we parted business ways.  Well 6 years later we are back in the office together.  We (mainly me!) need to figure out how to work together again.  I understand I have problems letting go, I have been doing this on my own for 5 years now so I guess I might be a bit controlling!  I tell him I promise that I will get better, that I appreciate him being here and that I really do need him.... if I could just act that way we would be great.

People some would call "family" dealt us lemons, and we will make lemonade and rise above it!